#38 - Stay Out All Night

In the past week I’ve discovered a few, very important things. Some of the goals I set were made to impress other people. I was stressing out about achieving goals I never wanted to achieve. I am constantly trying to prove my worth to people around me, without acknowledging my worth to myself. Most importantly, for these goals to truly light me up and enrich my year they need to be for me.

This was the case with the goal to stay out all night. I used to party, hard. I could easily finish a pitcher of beer and still walk straight. I would stay out until last call, I would dance, I would flirt (or attempt to) and at the time it was fun. I had this thought in my mind when choosing this goal that because I like to stay home alone, reading and stretching - I’ve lost my cool factor. I’m no longer the party girl I once was. I was trying to prove more to myself than anyone else that I still had it in me. I’m not saying I’m not fun anymore – I still think I’m a hoot. I like to be social until 9pm. I enjoy meeting new people. I love to dance. I no longer drink alcohol – except for a very good quality Weissbier once in a blue moon. I know that alcohol turns me into a very angry, sleepy and reactive version of myself. So why the hell did I want to make a point of going out and getting drunk?

This was the same as last year when I set the goal of running 10k. I felt that because the year before I ran 5k, therefore to progress and prove my worth I had to run 10. Well to that I say fuck running. I do not enjoy it. Same with the bar. Fuck the bar, fuck staying out late. For me I realized while camping out last week, I stayed out all night under the stars and it was perfect.

My lesson in all of this - Why am I 31 years old and still trying to prove my worth? When I let go of this constant need to please there is so much room for ease and I instantly feel less stressed. Plus, there’s just something about sitting around a campfire with the people you care about most that is truly exciting.